Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It's Friday. Sex?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
