his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
