Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
