Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
