my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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