had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
