well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we made out on top of his cat.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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