I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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