my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
