saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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