I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
