a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
