Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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