also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
