all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
