She is in my trunk
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
