I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
