Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So vagazzling was a success
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
