i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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