she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
