My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
