My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
