OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
