You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
