You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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