Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The uberlube is also flammable
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
