I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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