last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
