i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
