Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
