I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
