Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
