Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
