Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
