Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
