is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
