i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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