Little spoons don't ask big questions
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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