I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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