we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
whose parrot is this?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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