This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
