Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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