this beer tastes like vomit already
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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