I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
