If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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