We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
