I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She is in my trunk
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
