guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Text me some of your sweat
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
