found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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