took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
