last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
