It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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